The journal of a commander
I’ve been quiet disappointed on myself in the last few months.
I’ve been made redundant, didn’t bothered me, actually I’ve seen the whole situation as an opportunity to start again, but this time do what I like and makes me feel AMM-HAZing.
Danielle Laporte said “if it doesn’t light you up is not the right job for you”, and I totally agree. I don’t want a job just because it sounds important or because I make my parents proud. I want a job which brings me joy.
So I started being full of energy, learning , exercising, reading, meditating, working on new projects and all of a sudden all this energy disappeared and found myself
playing on my phone and watching Netflix all day long.
And here I am, trying to understand what happened and get to know myself a bit better.
I took an online test which revealed that I need to do some shadow work on my soul to heal and move on. This is a remarkably interesting Jungian concept about the not very nice parts of our personality. Is about observing and taking ownership of our flaws, negative emotions like hate , rage , envy , greed , selfishness, etc.
“There is no light without shadow and no psychic wholeness without imperfection.”
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. “
I came to the realization that ignoring my “dark side” I am turning myself against me and this can potentially or maybe most likely destroy my soul and well being.
I am going to embark daily in discovering my shadow. I will focus on analyzing my
behavior and thoughts, so I get a
better understanding of myself. Why do I regret things I said or done, or what am I ashamed of or scared of? What qualities do I have and I am unaware or simply reject them, but clearly see them in others? In psychology, this is called projection. For example I hated my ex bosses rudeness or one of my friends arrogance. The painful truth is that I don’t acknowledge my own rudeness and arrogance and is about time to start doing that.
“Unless we do conscious work on it, the shadow is almost always projected; that is, it is neatly laid on someone or something else so we do not have to take responsibility for it”.
Like in any concept of duality ( Yin and Yang, Feminine and masculine, right brain and left brain , negative and positive, etc) , there is darkness and light. Sometimes we need to focus on the darkness in our lives in an effort to get to the light, bringing it into our conscious life, so it doesn’t become gloomier and denser.
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
“If we judge others, it is because we are judging something in ourselves of which we are unaware.”
John A Sanford
“When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel.”
I hope that as I dig deeper and deeper in my shadow I will start seeing the benefits of my work. My happiness lies in the joy of achievement. It would be extremely
rewarding to start seeing an improvement in my relationships with others and not react aggressively, get angry, be jealous and take things very personally.
“Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others, because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you.”
As I expand my awareness, including my darkest emotions , I will become aware of the things I previously could neither see nor understand. I no longer will see the world the way I have been taught to see it. Unfortunately, we live in a society where everybody wants and feels the need to fit in. We see things on social media, on TV or movies and we want to act, look and be just like them. I don’t want to be that person.
“Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life.”
Psychotherapist Steve Wolf
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Another benefit of working with my shadow and accepting myself is resurfacing my inner strength which will help improving my physical, mental, and emotional health.
Not everything within our Shadow is necessarily frightening. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most important gifts and talents, such as creativity, innovation and intuition. Creativity is my favorite one which I never want to lose.
The results of the test i mentioned at the beginning are below.
You’ve done a lot of soul-searching in recent years and while sometimes things may have been challenging, the experiences you have gathered will allow you to move forward. Look deep inside yourself to actualize what you want and need in your life right now. The good thing is that you’re not afraid to look deeper in order to understand yourself fully
I’ll make a promise to myself to make a daily routine of analyzing my thought and behavior. I strongly recommend to everyone who reads this to do the same.
Find a quite place to meditate, turn your judgment off and realize that you are not your thoughts
Be friendly, loving, compassionate with yourself and your feelings
Forgive any mistakes you made
Create a mindset ready to review your behavior without harsh judgement or criticism
Be honest with yourself even if it feels uncomfortable
Have a journal ready to write down your daily insights , so you can review them at any point
Write down on your journal daily your emotional negative reactions towards other people.These are parts of yourself which you reject.Focus on what and who is causing you to feel angry, hateful, aggressive, arrogant, ruth, heartless, ignorant, unfair, short,disrespectful,indiscreet, careless, unsympathetic, uncivil, spiteful, impatient, indelicate,impolite, intolerant, selfish, cruel, dirty, lazy, negligent, nonobservant, foolish, impulsive,unmerciful,etc
Have a dialog with your shadow side. And don’t worry about sounding crazy. Is actually very healthy to have conversations with yourself.
You need to ask yourself why you did what you did. Don’t ignore your shadow as you know, like people who don’t get the attention needed they may try to harm you in one way or another. Best approach is to get to the bottom of the problem and resolve conflict in a friendly manner
Make a list of your good qualities, what you like about yourself and then find the opposite of that quality within yourself.After you identified it accept it. We are all good and bad and is normal. Important is to accept it.
Take a test to get to know your Shadow Archetype
Have a dialog in writing with a person who gives you strong feelings, positive or
negative.Express your feelings as they are towards this person , be yourself bad or good, this person will never see this dialog.Ask questions like:
Why are you acting like this with me?
What are you trying to prove to me?
Is there a lesson here you are trying to teach me?
Make sure you tell him/her exactly how are you feeling. ( I am sad, happy , pissed of, speechless, etc)